I like to sit here and watch the cars pass by. Maybe later I will go sit in front of where Starbucks was. I do a lot of sitting. Here, where I sit near the Black Forest, that's what I call it, but I don't think it really has a name, I feel safe. No one, well hardly anyone comes by.
I don't like to talk to people. Nobody really knows that I don't like too either. Not that anyone cares. I hide it well. Why? It's because people scare me on so many different levels. I only realized a few days ago that I scare people too. That was such a surprise to me! I am not sure why. I know that I am homeless but I didn't think it was noticeable. Hell, being homeless is no longer that unusual. I mean I try not to smell, and my clothes, at least to me, seem okay. I am not a scary old bum with leather skin and barbed wire hair who reeks of booze or worse. I am just me. Whatever me is which isn't much by anyones standards including my own. Maybe I radiate homeless rays? I wish I had someone I could ask.
I also wish I had money. I am hungry. If I move from where I am sitting anytime soon it will be because of the breeze. I am downwind of McDonald's and the wind is smelling good. McDonald's hasn't closed yet like most of the other stores in the shopping center and for that I am very glad. It would be harder for me to survive if they did. McDonald's is the source of many things that are good in my life. Well, they were. Like everything and everywhere goodness seems to be decreasing. “A shortage of goodness.” I say this to myself and smile. I am not sure why. A lot of things in life are like that you see. Stuff happens for no reason. People appear in my life than disappear. I don't even understand why I do so many of the things that I do so I guess it is no surprise that I don't understand why things happen like they do. Even my thoughts seem alien to me at times. There not as bad as the ghosts. I am not going to talk about the ghosts now. It might bring them and today I don't feel like seeing any if I can avoid it.
McDonald's is good for a lot of reasons. Maria and Anna sometimes save food for me depending on who the shift supervisor is. Also I usually find a used cup that I can take in for refills. When I do that I have to move quickly. I know the atmosphere changes inside when I come. That makes me uncomfortable. Also, sometimes the manager yells at me. He really shouldn't do that. They also moved all the ketchup and other stuff up by the counter. I used to take a cup and pump ketchup into it, add water, and pretend it was soup. I only do that when I am hard up and very hungry.
Sometimes I check the trash cans too. They don't have much in them that is worthwhile these days. I also have competition for the food in the cans now. I don't know what to do about that. I thought if I was nice maybe we could share the food. They didn't understand what I meant. They laughed at me so I left. What made it worse was Anna saw it through the window. They don't understand. If I still had my heart I would be different man. More brave and maybe even smarter. A hero.