When Ty left he took Grandma with him. That was thoughtful. It wouldn't have stopped what me from what I had in mind but it was a pretty clear sign that I wouldn't have any problem getting to sleep later.
She was gentle and I was restrained by my leg so what happened was different then my usual use them and loose them encounter. Far different. I had never let myself be touched inside again after that day but she managed to get through to me and in doing so I realized how empty and thirsty a part of me had become. I drank her caresses like a man who had spent far too long in the desert and despite my fever I wanted more. I got it too.
When I woke up the next morning the hogan door was open for light and she was propped up on one arm watching me.
"Hey to you" I told her.
I smiled. I hadn't slept well, my dreams were not pretty, but that was not unusual and I was used to going without enough sleep. She didn't smile back. Instead she asked me, "Who's Night?"
I blinked, not from surprise, rather from the sudden pain in my chest. Her words were an icepick to my heart. She was the one who was surprised. The change in my attitude, my face, must have been clear enough. She sat up, a lovely sight at any other time but not now.
"I'm sorry!' Did I ..."
She was frightened and genuinely worried. Intellectually I understood that and I knew I was supposed to tell her it was okay. It was just a name. It wasn't. I also knew that I shouldn't be getting angry but I was. I told her quietly, "Why don't you go."
She didn't say a word as she dressed. I didn't look at her. She was no longer there for me. Instead I pulled one of my pistols, opened the gate, and spun the cylinder around and around.
She paused in the door. I suppose she was waiting for me to say something. I didn't. She left.
Twenty minutes later I walked outside into the sun and screamed until my throat felt like it was bleeding.