Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Unknown - Chapter 15d - by nova

I was the first off the bus. That was part of the job too. I stood off to one side with Miller. As Rodriguez, and the guy with the SAW, got off they would pause, look around, stare at a spot and look at Miller. He would nod and they would take off.

The people themselves? The men looked grim, the women stone faced, and the kids excited. Each adult took a second to try and smile at me or nod. No words. Just that. 2nd squad had them moving. As they passed me they each saluted. That was more than a little strange. I didn't return it. I just gave them the nod too. I knew how to salute, I just never felt right doing it.

Their Captain joined me and Miller and we all watched Kat get off the bus. She didn't say anything to me. She just kept on going. I guess she figured she said all she had to say. She might have but I hadn't. I called her name and watched as she reluctantly turned around. She was crying. I gestured for her to come to me. She didn't bother to wipe away the tears when she stood in front of me. She just looked at me.


I pulled the Colt Navy out of my belt and handed to her.

"Why me?"

"Why not."

She almost smiled, almost said something, but instead she turned and ran off. She had a great ass.

"Time for me go sir." It was the other Captain.


I mean what was the deal here? Just go. Hell, we didn't have time for this. I was getting that feeling, the one that told me it was time to get ready for the storm.

He saluted me, then said, "It's an honor. I envy you Miller."

"Right." I told him. "Get your ass out of here."

He grinned and was gone too.

"Okay Miller. You need to salute or anything?'

"No Gardener."

"Good. Pick a spot and go find it."

He looked at me like he was going to say something profound or worse.

"Just do it."

I walked off. I knew where I was going and what I was going to do. Maybe drugs weren't that bad after all.


  1. "He grinned and was gone too."

    Your characters seem to do a lot of grinning.

    By expanding your vocabulary, you can have them display a broader range of emotion.

    When they are happy, by all means, they can grin, smile, or even beam.

    They might even laugh, giggle, chortle, chuckle, or even jump for joy.

    To express sorrow they can smile ruefully or regretfully.

    To communicate a more disrespectful tone they can sneer, snigger, snicker, or laugh mockingly.

    To express a more celebratory mood they might be jubilant, rejoicing, dancing, skipping, singing, exultant, triumphant, or elated.

    What makes writing so powerful is its capacity to express subtlety and shades of meaning.

  2. Anon,

    Yeah. I caught that last night too as I was writing it. That's why this is a draft. It's a get the words down while they are flowing despite losing 14 hours to working a day job kind of draft.

  3. 'Illegitemi non carborundum' - or better still - 'Noli nothis permittere te terere'.

    You are doing great and the muse is being generous, you can polish the details when the muse is quiet.

  4. An Eagle, Nova. No Crows or Hawks to report the results of the battle.

  5. So, the question is: why did Freya sell out Gardener to the Fed? The answer of course is too predictable - power.

    I hope she enjoys her majick belt after a night with the Fed dwarves.

  6. Oops, necklace I mean. The stories get so convoluted in my head.

  7. Great stuff man. You've got me on the edge of my seat here.