Saturday, May 15, 2010

American Apocalypse IV - Heartland Chapter 5b

I began walking in. I didn't bother to hide myself. Once again they had a watch on the roof. He didn't see me until I had covered half the distance. "Kind of shoddy watch keeping" I thought. I had wondered what I was going to do with the dogs. Somehow telling them to "Sit!" and "Stay!" seemed a little ludicrous. I almost decided to give it a try, just to see the expressions on their faces, but decided it wasn't worth it. "Never give orders that you are not sure will be obeyed" was another of the Maxims we learned. I had never thought about it before, but I was far more reluctant to shoot a dog than a person. Then again, these were good dogs while it was rare for me to run across good people.

I could see that in the clowns gathering to greet me. First impressions are important and they didn't weren't making good ones. It was probably my visceral dislike for men who ran around looking they they were an extra in "Friar Tucks Great Adventure" movie. The two guys flanking him looked competent. This time a couple others hung back and watched. All in all a better response than last time. Even dumbasses learned.

"Hold it right there stranger." This was from the good Brother.

I came to a stop, stood easy, and grinned at them. "Howdy Brothers" I told them. The dogs had fanned out around me and were smiling at them also. I was proud of them. We looked so darn happy and friendly. It didn't seem to reassure Brothers escorts. They were not thrilled about the dogs or disarmed by their happy smiles. Maybe it was the fact that a couple of them were drooling and licking their chops.

Brother said "I got one question for you. Answer it right and we can talk." He didn't tell me what happened if I answered it wrong. My guess it was something bad.

He sprung it on me. "Are you washed in the blood of the lamb? Have you accepted Jeebus Christ as your savior?" He didn't just say this. He had to roll it out like he was announcing a WWF match. "He needed more reverb." I thought.

"Yeah." I told them. "All that and more. I'm from the Colonel and I'm hungry and thirsty."

They liked that. At least the first part. The second part, the invoking of the name of the most holy Colonel, got them moving. I had guessed right. That asshole had some serious weight nowaday.

Brother grinned, and said "C'mon in. I thought someone might be by. You are just here much quicker than was expected." He was looking around behind me. "Probably looking for a vehicle an other people." I guessed.

"Great. I hope you got something to feed my dogs." As we walked towards the main building I added "They'll eat anything you know." I looked Brother in the eyes as I said this and smiled.


  1. Good morning!

    Maxims. I laughed. Hard. In the lobby. Luckily there were no guests wandering about.

  2. Have you excepted Jeebus

    That would normally be "accepted" - although in G's case you might be right the first time ;-)

  3. Like me, you err in homonyms. ;-)

  4. @bobn:

    "two words are homonyms if they are pronounced or spelled the same way but have different meanings"

    "two words are homophones if they are pronounced the same way but differ in meaning or spelling or both (e.g. bare and bear)"

    ordering your two copies of your book right now ... one to read and one to loan out!


  5. unhappyCakeEaterMay 15, 2010 at 3:09 PM

    arent we talking about a malapropism here?

    nova, there is no better saturday morning than one where i come in from a long bike ride and the RSS hands over three new installments on my favorite story. thank you, and good work.


    p.s. I have an uncle in an army CID unit. i can put you in touch if you like. hes in love with his job and a decent writer to boot.

  6. I would loose my mined if I tried to keep the difference between homonyms and homophones clear.

  7. @Tom,

    You had me going there, for a second...very funny!

  8. Nova (or anyone that remembers),

    I've forgotten, does Gardener have any extraordinary abilities to communicate with animals? I know he caw's at the crows and has the night vision, but I can't remember if Freya gave him any abilities vis-a-vis the dogs. I'm aware that the dogs generally do what he wants, but is that because Freya gave powers to the dogs or to Gardener.


  9. uce! Hi, nice to see you again.

    D^2, no. He just likes dogs and dogs like him.